Me Sad

That was my text message to Dh just now



Me Sad



Poor guy is at work, doing a midnight shift.... prob working his cute butt off to make money for us and thats my encouraging text message to him



Me Sad



I dont know what I expect the man to do about it. Perhaps race home, grabbing wine and chocolates on the way, and coming home to wrap me in his arms and make everything better.



I wish!



So WHY am I sad? Dunno (typical woman eh)



Im sitting on my bed looking through blogs, eating a packet of chips - well 2 packets if I am honest........... BUT they are the small snack sized ones (that makes it better doesnt it?)



BUT BUT BUT I am drinking water too - doesnt the water rule out the fat in the chips?



I feel fat! (Theres logic there somewhere - feel fat so you eat junk???)



I feel bored



I feel like my life is running away without me.



Im now 35 years and 2 days in age



I thought I would be more, have more and have done more at this age



I know 35 isnt really that old - I keep reminding myself that some people are only just starting their families at this age.............



The weird thing is I dont feel 35 in some ways yet I feel so much older in other ways.



Now I am confusing myself.



My body feels like its 80. Im so tired all the time, I feel so uncordinated, Im sure if I tried to dance id look terribly drunk. No matter how long i sleep I wake up feeling like ive been on an all night bender. No matter if I eat crap or go for the lean meat and salad i feel bloated and sick afterwards. Sometimes I feel like my body is just giving up on me.



Yet in my head i think I am about 15....... i dont feel old enough to have kids, never mind a 15 yr old! My daughter starts year 11 next week..... HEY I HAVENT EVEN BEEN IN YEAR 11 YET!!



Sometimes I will be at the shops or movies and see young guys (early 20's) and I think oh he's cute and then when they look straight through me I will realise they prob look at me and see 'some old lady'......... sometimes it shocks me to remember I am not some young chick anymore. Hmm does this make me sound like some sick old bird who chases young men? Geeezz Thanks Ann for suggesting a blog - Im going to get arrested now!!



What happened?



And then I look at the magazines etc and see stars around my own age and holy crap I feel like I could pass for their mothers! yes yes I know they have all those stylists, nutritionists etc...... but c'mon...... oh I just feel so ripped off!



I was looking through some blogs today and came across this blog..... I had to reboot so I dont remember the name of it........



But it was a young family, Mom (American ok), dad, 2 girls and a boy



All gorgeous - even mom - she was young slim and so pretty



They had photos of their house (O M G talk about beautiful)



They had photos of the kids, all looked like little angels, doing the whole pumpkin carving thing, their family photo/christmas card, going to the tree farm to chop down their tree, which was later erected in their perfect living room and decorated like something out of a department store.



This ladies blog was almost sickening, everything sounded so perfect - and to top it off she had this massive list down one side of links to allthe other bloggers in her family..... sisters, sister in laws, cousins etc



And everyone of them was just as gorgeous and perfect......



Man i could have cried



Actually I did



Pathetic eh. Its like everything I dreamt of as a child........ I didnt know some people actually lived like that. That sucks man!



Im sure they have disagreements, and surely the kids have tantrums and get sick and vomit through those pretty bedrooms and stuff............. but oh man.......



Imagine not having to rush around and clear a space for the visitors who just called to say they are popping in.......



Imagine actually being proud of your home and not deadly ashamed of the mess and mismatched furniture....



Imagine waking up in a lovely room and getting dressed in nice clothes (and fitting into a nice small size wouldnt hurt either)



Heck i recon even cleaning would be nicer........



Im feeling very ingrateful right now



I want to delete all of this and just type something sweet and maybe funny but thats not what I wanted to do this for.... i want to be honest.... if the truth is funny then great, if its me going thru a bad moment then thats ok too.

Ok thats my whinge for now..... I need to go check on all of the kids - make sure they are not trashing everything... yes they should be in bed but hey its school holidays......

I will be back..............